baby blues

I was in a really bad place on Wednesday. Every once in awhile i go to this dark place and get in a bad funk, i really hate seeing people announce they are pregnant. Yes i am happy for them, but just another reminder of what I wont experience. okay i am lieing, i don't know if i'll ever experience motherhood. I know in previous posts i have explain i have polysyctic ovarian syndrome and so i have my issues and tevis also has his. We need to go get him checked out some more before we give our final answer to having a baby or not.

I don't know how to cope with all this.
I don't know how to prepare myself not to be a mom. 

So after lots of talking and getting on the same page we have come to the mutual understanding that if and when tevis gets all checked out if he has to have any kind of procedure or surgery, he does not want to go through all that. I totally understand, he has been through a lot, almost died on me, lost part of his left leg and he honestly cannot feel 100% confident with being able to be the father he needs/wants to be or what i want/need him to be. I totally understand and i know he will be a great dad, he is a great dad to Delaney. Having a baby will be different though, even with having a puppy in the house i take care of her, during the night, etc, etc, because he just simply cant during the night, he cant just roll outta bed and take her out like a normal person.

So after throwing a pity party for myself i have come to the conclusion that, I am put in tevis' life to take care of him and maybe that's why a baby isn't in our game plan. I have my hands full with, tevis, Storm, school, house, myself, and Delaney. I just need to learn how to cope and be OK with not having a baby with him. My life is pretty great, there are families and people out there worse off than we are. I am so thankful for everything i have in my life and everyone i have in my life. I told Tevis i wanted to go to counseling, maybe it would help. So i decided to open up more on here, maybe that will help until i figure out what I need to do to help myself.

I am not always good with my words and no where near a writer but this helps and i love the blogging community. thanks in advance for all the nice encouraging kind words i know a few of you will say. XOXO.

Thanks for reading! Love to all!

Life never goes as planned....

Hello blogger world!!!

So from my precious posts you have found out that i was diagnosed with PCOS around the age of 20. When i was married we tried and tried and tried for a baby, right before our relationship went south, I knew my next step was clomid. Well now i am in a new relationship and Tevis knew from the beginning i wanted kids, I wanted to be a mother. We talked about kids early in our relation, so he knew what he was getting himself into. Life never goes as planned, i see 16 year olds get pregnant just by blinking, so its very frustrating to see young girls having babies. I HAVE TO KEEP THINKING, everything happens for a reason and god has other plans for me. Like right now i just keep thinking, god put me in Tevis' life to keep him alive and take care of him. I will know when the time comes if i need to prepare myself to be a mother or not to be a mother. I have my days where i talk myself into being ok with not being a mother to my own child. I feel i know in the back of my head I wont be a mom, i wont have a baby. I have my own set of issues and then Tevis has his own set. We don't have money to do in vitro or surrogate, but i cant be so negative, but at the same time i have to prepare myself somehow. It keeps me inside to think i wont be a mom, and i wont give my family a grandchild, niece or nephew. I have my lovely yearly this summer and will of course ask more questions, and maybe once tevis gets insurance we will get him checked out and see what our options are. I hate the thought Tevis and I just cant make a baby on our own. If its meant to be it will happen! Until we find out more answers I will just focus on myself, tevis, school and being the best step mommy i can be to Delaney because she deserves all my life no matter what. & if one i can make her a big sister i know she will be the best out there!  

XoXo. Hope everyone had a great Wednesday!

Facts about PCOS!

Everything I found is very good advice, and I hope to change my everyday lifestyle! Having a baby is my dream being a mother would make me so happy! A baby should be enough motivation. With my great support system, I believe i can do this!

The Tell-Tale Signs of PCOS

If you are suffering with PCOS it's more than likely you will experience some or most of these symptoms. Losing weight is my ultimate goal to help with my pcos and becoming fertile again.

• You have problems losing weight and you gain weight easily
• You have fertility problems
• You don’t ovulate
• You have menstrual problems or irregular periods
• You have ovarian cysts
• You have pelvic pain
• You have increased facial hair
• You experience male pattern hair growth
• You have skin pigmentation
• You have acne and oily skin
• You crave sugary foods
• You have a decreased interest in sex
• You constantly feel tired and lethargic
• You feel down-in-the-dumps and even depressed
• You have an underactive thyroid gland

Foods I should start avoiding

Food #1: Sweets
Refined sugar causes elevated levels of insulin. If you have PCOS, avoid desserts and candy because they contain large quantities of sugar.
Food #2: Soft Drinks
Sports drinks and soft drinks that have high sugar content will increase your insulin level. Avoid all drinks with added sugars. 
Food #3: White Bread
White bread also has a high glycemic index, which increases insulin levels. If you have PCOS, replace white breads with unprocessed, whole grains in moderation.
Food #4: White Rice
White rice should be replaced with brown rice or whole grain pastas, which have lower glycemic indexes. When possible, choose complex, unrefined carbohydrates instead of refined carbohydrates to decrease your insulin levels

PCOS Diet Guidelines

1. Balance your daily protein with equal amount carbohydrates

2. Eat low glycemic index foods

 4. Eat 5 meals a day

(example) 

• Breakfast (right away, when you wake up): 2 eggs scrambled with spinach + 1/2 cup oatmeal
• Snack: Protein shake with organic milk, banana and spirulina
• Lunch: Organic Turkey sandwich on whole grain bread with carrot sticks and hummus on the side
• Dinner: Organic chicken with steamed broccoli and half a yam
• Snack (less than an hour before bed): organic yogurt with granola and 1/2 teaspoon spirulina

 5. Eat essential fatty acids daily

6. Exercise 30 min. 5 days a week ( i have PLENTY of time to do this, just need motivation to do it) 

 7. Eat Organic (dont think i'll switch to all organic,but eating better i will def. try my best)

8. Quit Coffee ( good thing i am not a coffee drinker)