Friday, August 23, 2013

baby blues

I was in a really bad place on Wednesday. Every once in awhile i go to this dark place and get in a bad funk, i really hate seeing people announce they are pregnant. Yes i am happy for them, but just another reminder of what I wont experience. okay i am lieing, i don't know if i'll ever experience motherhood. I know in previous posts i have explain i have polysyctic ovarian syndrome and so i have my issues and tevis also has his. We need to go get him checked out some more before we give our final answer to having a baby or not.

I don't know how to cope with all this.
I don't know how to prepare myself not to be a mom. 

So after lots of talking and getting on the same page we have come to the mutual understanding that if and when tevis gets all checked out if he has to have any kind of procedure or surgery, he does not want to go through all that. I totally understand, he has been through a lot, almost died on me, lost part of his left leg and he honestly cannot feel 100% confident with being able to be the father he needs/wants to be or what i want/need him to be. I totally understand and i know he will be a great dad, he is a great dad to Delaney. Having a baby will be different though, even with having a puppy in the house i take care of her, during the night, etc, etc, because he just simply cant during the night, he cant just roll outta bed and take her out like a normal person.

So after throwing a pity party for myself i have come to the conclusion that, I am put in tevis' life to take care of him and maybe that's why a baby isn't in our game plan. I have my hands full with, tevis, Storm, school, house, myself, and Delaney. I just need to learn how to cope and be OK with not having a baby with him. My life is pretty great, there are families and people out there worse off than we are. I am so thankful for everything i have in my life and everyone i have in my life. I told Tevis i wanted to go to counseling, maybe it would help. So i decided to open up more on here, maybe that will help until i figure out what I need to do to help myself.

I am not always good with my words and no where near a writer but this helps and i love the blogging community. thanks in advance for all the nice encouraging kind words i know a few of you will say. XOXO.

Thanks for reading! Love to all!


  1. I think you guys have come to a great understanding ! No matter what happens, I will always be here for you!! Xoxo

  2. Oh Britney!! I'm sorry you're dealing with this!! The best thing you guys are doing is openly discussing it, and what may come from it. Keep your chin up, what ever happens is what's meant to be! Hugs!

  3. Hugs girl! I can't imagine how hard that must be. Remember that you are young too and it might not be happening now but who says it won't happen in a few years. I think its great that yall are talking openly about it and you have a plan. I also think you are right that you have a lot to focus on right now. I will be praying that things one Tevis's side aren't bad so that it is a possiblily. And just something to help you keep your head up: I had a friend who tried so hard to get pregnant for 5 years then took a break and focused on losing weight and as soon as she was down in weight she got pregnant. I really hope it happens for you one day but if not you have a great family already and I know you have the strength get through... plus there could always be adoption. Love you girl

  4. Hey girlie! Openly discussing it with each other and maybe a counselor (impartial third party)is great. Maybe it will happen in a few years but just remember you have Delaney and Storm smother them with loving for now! We all love you and are hear for you. Love yea.