How to prepare myself....

I wanted this blog to be all about my Poly-cystic Ovary Syndrome(PCOS) and our journey to having a baby....BUT.

Which you can read about what I have written about PCOS ... HERE && HERE

Once i started blogging more and getting into following I decided to just make my blog all about ME sorta blog. Everything from DIY projects, family, recipes, weightloss, etc etc. I thought i would write this personal post so everyone could get to know me a little better and understand more of what I am going through.

The baby making train is sort of on hold. I have been with tevis for almost three years, and from the get go, Tevis knew i wanted to have kids. So he has always been on board and says he wants a boy :). We basically have just been trying without trying. I already knew it would be hard, so I have my issues and recently we found out he has his issues. SOOOO I really dont know whats going to happen and if I will ever be a mom.

 I have an appointment June 14th and will hopefully get more answers. I am nervous about this appointment because although its just my yearly appointment and I feel like once i ask my questions then I will leave knowing if i will be a mom or not. I just dont want my heart to break, but i just have a feeling it will be breaking.

How do you prepare yourself not to be a mother? That is the question I have asked myself over and over and over. I cannot answer it and it makes me so sad.

Basically the decision has been made that if Tevis has to have anything done surgically to him or some kind of procedure to his boys down there, he does not want to go through it. He has had enough done to him and has been in enough pain for the past year, he is kinda over it. I am on board with this decision too and i totally understand where he is coming from, but he has agreed to not say no on the baby making until we get ALL OF OUR questions answered. I would not leave Tevis if we could not have a baby together. Its not a deal breaker, and i love him so much and I know God put me in his life for a reason and vise versa. I sometimes feel god is not putting a baby in my life because I need to focus on Tevis and myself, sometimes Tevis is all I focus on! Also Tevis is afraid he cant be the dad to a newborn like he was with Delaney. Tevis is a great dad for one, But i understand his concerns. Who is gonna jump outta bed in the middle of night when baby is crying or our toddler needs us? It will be all on me, because tevis cant just sit up and walk, he either needs his walker, crunches or his prosthetic leg. SO you can imagine what why he thinks he cant be the dad he needs to be. We would deal with it and make it through.

As most of you know Tevis already has a daughter, Delaney, she is 7 years old and I adore her so much. I love when we do have her because the mommy in me kicks in. We love having her around and being a little family, and only dream of one day adding to it. I will treat and love Delaney as one of my own and she will never feel anything other then love from me.

 I hope his issues is an easy fix or even fixed with medication and we can try before we put it all to a stop. I pray and hope and wish like crazy that I get to be able to be a mother! I want to be a mommy so bad.  I tried to make this short and sweet and to the point, I hope everyone took time to read this and get to know me a little better. Thanks in advance for all the advice and support!